Tohfa-e-Dulha Part 64

Main Topic

An in-depth discourse on the critical importance of tarbiyat (upbringing and moral nurturing) in raising children, the severe mental and behavioral impact of parental conflict on children, and the Islamic rulings regarding family planning and contraception.

Key Lessons

• Education and wealth alone are insufficient without tarbiyat; without moral grounding, education and money can lead to destruction.
• Tarbiyat begins in infancy through inculcating basic Sunnah practices, such as using the right hand and putting on the right shoe first.
• Arguments, shouting, and physical aggression between parents shatter a child's emotional stability, causing them to either become withdrawn (recluses) or rebellious opportunists.
• Marital disagreements must strictly be resolved behind closed doors to preserve the children's psychological well-being.
• Contraception (Azal and modern equivalents) is conditionally permissible in Islamic jurisprudence for valid health or spacing reasons, provided there is mutual consent.
• Adopting birth control out of fear of financial hardship, desire for a partying lifestyle, or fear of marriage failure is impermissible in Islam.

Quranic/Hadith References

• References to Ahadith where the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) described wealth as khair (good) when accompanied by righteousness.
• Hadith regarding the Sahaba (radiallahu anhum) asking the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) about Azal (coitus interruptus), establishing the foundational permissibility of temporary birth control under valid circumstances.

Practical Advice

• Establish Sunnah etiquette and love for Allah, the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam), and the Sahaba in the household from a child's earliest years.
• Never argue or air marital grievances in front of children; if an accidental conflict occurs, reconcile openly on the same day to reassure them.
• When considering family planning, consult a trustworthy, God-fearing (muttaki) medical doctor for physical health advice and a qualified Mufti for religious permissibility.