Main Topic
This lecture discusses the proper Islamic guidelines surrounding engagement (khitbah), highlighting the mistakes of modern cultural practices, the prohibition of pre-marital contact, and the importance of gratitude and patience in marriage.
Key Lessons
- Engagement in Islam is simply a mutual promise to marry and set a date; it does not grant the couple or their extended families any license to mix or interact as mahram.
- The Sunnah encourages expediting the nikah once a suitable proposal is accepted to prevent fitnah and preserve barakah.
- Elaborate engagement parties, exchange of gifts, and premature family drama introduce unnecessary friction and non-Islamic customs into the proposal process.
- Pre-marital communication (phone calls, private meetings, sharing photos) before nikah is haram and removes blessings from the prospective marriage.
- If gifts are given and an engagement breaks, asking for gifts back is strictly condemned in Hadith.
- Marriage requires patience and gratitude (sabr and shukr); couples should focus on spiritual compatibility rather than superficial expectations influenced by haram media.
Quranic/Hadith References
- Nabi (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) instructed that once a suitable match is made, the nikah should be performed quickly without delay.
- Nabi (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) stated that a person who revokes a gift is like a dog that vomits and then licks up its vomit.
- The most hated of permissible things to Allah is talaq (divorce), which causes the Arsh (Throne) of Allah to shake when invoked unjustly.
Practical Advice
- Keep engagement straightforward—it can be finalized via a simple phone call or a brief visit between elders to discuss suitable dates.
- Give the bride's family the primary say in selecting the nikah date so it can be timed suitably around her monthly cycle.
- Strictly avoid contact, private chatting, or meeting between the prospective groom and bride until after the nikah is solemnized.
- Exercise gratitude for your spouse as a gift from Allah, overlooking minor shortcomings rather than seeking unrealistic perfection.
Hazrat Moulana Dawood Seedat Saheb