Tohfa-e-Dulhan Part 23

Main Topic

Maintaining domestic harmony by exercising patience over minor mistakes and practicing the Islamic etiquettes (adab) of seeking permission to enter homes and answering phone calls.

Minor incidents, such as tea leaves in a cup or food being overheated in a microwave, can escalate into marital breakdown due to pride, lack of patience, and the promptings of Shaitan.
Either spouse can easily defuse potential conflict by apologizing, maintaining silence during anger, or showing mutual understanding.
When visiting a house or ringing a doorbell, one must remain patient and allow sufficient time (e.g., 7-8 minutes) for occupants to finish prayer or prepare before ringing again.
One must clearly identify oneself by name when seeking permission to enter a home or when calling on the telephone, rather than giving ambiguous answers like "it is me."

Hadith in Sunan Abi Dawud: A man asked "May I enter?" and Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) sent an attendant to teach him to say "Assalamu alaikum" before requesting entry.
Hadith of Isra and Mi'raj (Sahih al-Bukhari and Sahih Muslim): Jibreel (Alayhis salam) clearly identified himself and Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) at each gate of heaven.
Hadith of Abu Musa Ash'ari (Radiyallahu anhu): When acting as a gatekeeper at an orchard, Abu Bakr, Umar, and Uthman (Radiyallahu anhum) all identified themselves by name before entry was granted.
Hadith of Jabir (Radiyallahu anhu): He knocked on the Prophet's door and answered "It's me" (Ana), which Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) expressed disapproval towards.
Hadith of Abu Musa Ash'ari (Radiyallahu anhu): Permission to enter should be sought three times, with intervals long enough for someone to perform four rakats of Salah.
Practice reported in Adab al-Mufrid: Companions such as Anas (Radiyallahu anhu) would knock gently on doors using their fingers or fingernails out of respect.

Show appreciation and gratitude for a spouse's efforts; do not allow anger over minor inconveniences to ruin home life.
Husbands should carry house keys and announce their arrival when entering to avoid startling the family.
Ring doorbells gently once and wait patiently rather than ringing repeatedly.
On phone calls, state clearly who you wish to speak with; women should ask unknown callers who they wish to speak to rather than providing personal details.